TWO major things: Jessica Simpson gave birth over the weekend, and Chavril's getting married today!

It's been a HUGE 72 hours for us. And by "us," we mean some really important celebrities, namely Jessica Simpson, who FINALLY gave birth to her second child yesterday, and Avril Lavigne, who is currently in the process of getting MARRIED TO NICKELBACK FRONTMAN CHAD KROEGER! (That's one half of #CHAVRIL, hello!) Maybe good things happen in twos? Either way, IT'S A LOT to process, and we're feeling VERY emotionally drained.

Read more about Jessica Simpson's new baby and Avril Lavigne's wedding after the jump.

We'll start with a few more deets on Chavril's nuptials, which apparently began as a three-day wedding party in the South of France this past weekend, and will culminate in the actual ceremony TONIGHT! Unfortunately there's no official word on Avril's wedding gown yet, but we're seriously hoping the "Here's To Never Growing Up" singer stays true to herself and rocks all-black-everything, pink hair, and maybe something "blue" or "borrowed." BUT WITH SPIKES! And a tie. ALWAYS A TIE.

Now on to Jessica and her fiancé, Eric Johnson's, big news: Over the weekend, the couple gave birth to their second child named -- brace yourselves for this one, folks -- Ace Knute. First, bold choice with that name! (It'll be SUPER convenient if that kid ever becomes a professional tennis player.) Second, they'll probably get a thank-you note from the Kardashian-West clan, because now that "Ace Knute" exists, everyone can STOP rolling their eyes over the name "North West." So, at least there's that. But all kidding aside, mazel tov, J-Simps!

Anyway, the bottom line is that we're having a Demi Lovato-level "Heart Attack" from all the marriage and baby-themed events that went down this weekend. And just so y'all are aware, we're pretty sure we're gonna ditch our 3 p.m. Pilates class to read bridal magazines and surf "baby onesie" Pinterest boards. And then make one ourselves. And then hire a talented art school freshman to sketch out our dream wedding dress.

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