Jessica Pott and Joe Jonas: offish couple?

First of all, how could you, Joe Jonas? We've only been e-asking you out for like, the past year. Have you not heard our calls? Have you not seen our tweets? ARE WE JUST NOT YOUR TYPE? Fine. FINE. Another thing -- for a split second there, we thought the girl walking with you in this photo (your reported new girlfriend Jessica Pott) was actually JWOWW. And don't read into that any more than necessary. We just literally thought you were hanging out with JWOWW (and then I was going to ask you to get Pauly D.'s digits for me).

So OK, Jessica Pott's a Brazilian model. We get it -- that's like hitting the DNA lottery. And honestly, we're not even s*** talking, we totally hope you guys are happy together. (If you make it to the baby stage, we think there's a 10 out of 10 chance that the offspring will be insanely good-looking.) So congratulations on that. And listen, you're young and rich and famous, so go out there and paint the town red! But we're here for you just in case things don't pan out. Just sayin'.

Photo credit: Pacific Coast News